REVISING MYSELF

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Lets go over a few things from the last year! A peek into my life.

So far I’ve introduced you to other artist and entrepreneurs, but I think I’m going to take a sharp turn left and redirect you!

I’ve recently started a new journey within myself. my life has changed dramatically the last year. so lets recap;

Sooooo here WEEEEE GOOO!!!

This time last year I was engaged to my daughters father.

I was actively looking for a new job so I could leave the Collision Center I work at.

I was depressed.

I was Lonely.

I was ready to die.

Today, I’m with a new man. ❤

I’ve Found my way back to Collision.

I have spurts of depression.

I’m only alone in my own head and only sometimes.

The past few years I have sat in a dark place in my mind, wondering if I was good enough, wondering why me? There were times I was so down all I could do was ugly cry while holding my baby girl. I sat in my misery and thought that there wasn’t a way out.

but let me tell youuuuu….

I left before I got married. I’m the girl who called off the wedding. I’m the girl who bought the dress, set the date, shopped, did the color coordinating and hoped things would change. I hoped he would love me the way I deserved, and we would be a happy little family. Gut wrenching arguments, name calling, throwing things, the tension in the house became unbearable. I couldn’t have company without a fight, I couldn’t go anywhere without a fight, I couldn’t work without a fight, I couldn’t clean the house without a fight. I was trapped in the relationship. Constantly walking on eggshells .

Always rejected, never loved, no communication, no brief kissed, no touching, nothing.

one day I had enough. to many names, to many tears, and the pain I felt everyday was overwhelming.

I left while he was at work and haven’t heard from him since.

The last 4 years I lost myself in being a mother and future wife. What I didn’t realize is I had completely lost sight of what I wanted in life and what made me happy. While I was happy being a mother I wasn’t happy with who I was when I wasn’t a mother. I was lonely within myself and my spouse was only making things worse saying things like “no one will be happy with you. look at yourself. fat ass. you ruined my life.” and more but I don’t need to dwell on that. I needed to move on. From him and his words.

November of 2018 I made that move. I left. A weight was instantly lifted right off my chest. I could feel the discontent leave me. I could breathe again. I moved back into my moms house with Luna (my familiar) and my daughter. The three of us shared a small bedroom one bed space with all of our belongings. Cramped is a understatement. I hated being in my moms again. I felt like I had failed myself and my daughter because I let the family fall apart. I broke the family by leaving. I was down on myself constantly looking for a way to get back on my feet without being dependent on anyone else.

Well 6 months after I left I moved into a house with the new boo. The difference is amazing. I’m free, I’m loved, I’m taken care of.

However, aside from the difference in how I’m treated by my spouse, I’ve also taken huge steps to take care of myself and my own mental health. in the past year I’ve lost 30lbs, I’ve kicked dr. pepper, sadly I’ve kicked Daily coffee. I’ve started a eating schedule, because I was running on coffee and coffee and coffee….all day everyday. I’ve gone to the Dr. to take the right steps for my PCOS and Hypothyroidism. I’ve started a super low-key work out regimen, I’ve started to drink teas and a hellva lot more water.

My favorite steps that I’m currently taking is reading the self help books and watching my helpful and inspiring YouTube videos. I’ll go into a few books and people I go to on a later post because I promise you need these people and their tips in your life.

I’m far away from being perfect and I have so much to do to myself and my mind and body, but I’m ready to make those necessary changes to manifest the best for my life and the ones I intend to take with me. Stay tuned and ill be going over the first steps I’ve taken and how I managed them. if you all have comments or questions drop them below I cant wait to start this journey with you all and see where it takes us!

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